'it'... a wife's journey through... AIDS, by Jill Lamede

A.I.D.S. . . If only he could make himself write down those four letters then, he was sure, he could go on writing, could express some of the pain, anger and terror that had taken over his life.

But RT never managed to write that word. He was a journalist and this ultimate writer's block hurt him deeply. He told me that it would be my task to try to make sense of the ending of his life and to tell the world as best I could.

And so I now set out to tell my husband's story. There is little comfort in it but I hope it may, in some way, help others who are suffering similar torments to know that they are not alone. Certainly there is much for health workers and care providers to learn - so many mistakes made amongst all the good intentions.

Readers' Comments

A Primary Carergiver:-

Thank you for telling my story. I kept thinking, this is me, this is what happened.

A Mother:-

It opened the floodgates. For the first time I was able to cry. Thank you!

A Person with AIDS:-

I read the book. Just finished and can't stop crying. Thank you! I don't think I am afraid any more.

General Readers:-

You have written a beautiful book. It's a very fine achievement. It was a privilege for me to be able to read it.

The book is a very powerful read. The coolness with which you record pain, neglect and natural disaster provokes something of catharsis - which I have never seen as over emotional.

The unadorned elegance of the writing and the almost Spartan way people are indicated by their initials concentrates the attention on the facts and emotions. It is a compelling read providing the clearest insight, without any fuss, into the stresses and strains. A superb piece of writing!

I cannot begin to tell you how moved I was by your account of your husband's death. I am seldom reduced to hopeless tears by the written word, but I can honestly say that it left me helpless. Thank you for sharing your experiences so honestly and so openly. To share in some small part in the depth of your suffering, in your tangible sense of loneliness, was a deeply humbling experience and one that will continue to live with me.

I couldn't put it down. What a tragic story, with so much pain.

It is a FINE book, well written, and a story which needs wider exposure.

What can I say. I started reading and couldn't stop... being dyslexic it is difficult for me to read extensive "writings..." but this one... I couldn't stop... My heart is in my throat, as if choking me for want of better treatment for those in need. You have brought your husband into my life. I feel as if I have met him... and I will never forget him. Thank you (both) for letting me in.

One of the saddest stories I've read. I wish I'd had the opportunity to read this inspiring book when my husband was alive.

I think ALL women should read this book.

One of the saddest points about this book is the fact that, even today, in 1997, RT would probably face exactly the same situation with regard to a professional diagnosis. . . this is still happening???

A Health Service, Primary Care Development Facilitator

Having read your book myself, I have no doubt that everyone of us in the health world has much to learn. It is so easy to fail to appreciate the effect of what you say and recommend and to stereotype subliminally.

Your book really draws out these issues so sensitively but so frankly. Thank you for the opportunity to read it and reflect on the issues you raise. I am circulating the book to all those involved with development and planning of services. I can assure you that it will be very well read before it finds a home in our library.